


Pieces of Me

by morganoconner



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bonding, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-02
Updated: 2011-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:17:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morganoconner/pseuds/morganoconner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Castiel looked into him for his soul and didn't find it, he left a little bit of his grace behind. Now that Sam's soul is back where it belongs, it keeps brushing against the bit of Castiel's grace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieces of Me

He didn’t notice it the first week, when the guilt and the sadness and the anger and the fear and every emotion he hadn’t felt in over a year were threatening to consume him.

And he didn’t notice it the second week, as he and his brother finally talked, hashing out their issues the best ways they knew how, which maybe weren’t the healthiest, but had always worked for them.

And he didn’t notice it the third week, so focused on hunting and getting back into the swing of things that he couldn’t allow himself even a moment of distraction.

By the time he _did_ finally notice it, they were on the other side of the country from Bobby, neck-deep in lore about Purgatory, and neither of them had seen Castiel in over a month.

Sam was lying on his bed, one arm draped over his eyes as he fought back the headache from hours of sitting in front of a computer doing research. His other hand was fisted, pressed over his heart, and it was at about that moment that he wondered why that particular spot felt so _warm_ inside.

Warm, and peaceful, and sort of… _glowy_.

It maybe should have worried him, but with his eyes closed, the world fell away and he was free to focus on how good it felt, how bright it seemed. He didn’t know what the feeling _was_ , but he knew, without doubt, that it wouldn’t harm him. And though he wondered about it, the feeling coalesced in such a way that he couldn’t _focus_ on wondering about it before the thought would slip away.

Once he was aware of it, the feeling didn’t go away. When Sam was upset, it soothed him. When he was angry, it calmed him. When he was depressed, it lifted him. In only a few short weeks, it stopped being something he _noticed_ , and became something he simply took for granted. It was always there, pulsing warm and luminous and _familiar_ in some strange way, in that spot right next to his heart.

He stopped thinking about it altogether, until the day he nearly died.

Nearly dying was nothing new to the Winchesters, but it had been a while since Sam had come this close. And all he could focus on, as the werewolf crowded him against the ramshackle barn, baring its teeth and crouching low on its haunches while he scrambled for a weapon that had long since left his possession, was how he’d never feel the warmth around his heart again if he died now.

He reached for it, in desperation or fear or hope, and he _tugged_.

Castiel appeared in a wash of light that should have burned, should have destroyed, but only heightened the peace that settled over Sam the instant the angel was near.

The wolf howled, but the hunter was only peripherally aware of the creature as Castiel reached for it and it disintegrated before his eyes. Mostly, he could only see Castiel, bathed in incandescent light, wings unfurled and glorious. Eyes as clear as morning, as penetrating as the sun.

 _Castiel_ , Sam’s soul sang, and the warmth near his heart pulsed, threatened to burst, as he pressed a hand to his chest and gasped at the force behind it.

“Sam,” Castiel said, the light dimming as his true self was pulled back, recalled into the vessel that contained it. The angel came forward, stepping into Sam’s space and placing a hand to Sam’s cheek when the hunter failed to respond. “Sam, _look at me_.”

Slowly, his vision cleared, and the fog over his thoughts lifted, and Sam was able to force his gaze to meet Castiel’s. As their eyes caught and held, the spark beneath his hand leapt, flaring brightly and making him shudder.

Castiel’s hand left his cheek, moved down slowly to cover the hand Sam held over his heart. “You must wonder,” he said. “How long have you been aware of it?”

Sam couldn’t answer, didn’t think he had a voice left to speak with. His eyes frantically searched Castiel’s, desperate for an answer he didn’t know if the angel was prepared to give.

A breath tumbled out of Castiel, and his eyes closed as his hand tightened around Sam’s. “I did not mean to leave it behind. But once it was done, I couldn’t regret it. It enabled me to be closer to you, and I…I craved that. I’m sorry, Sam.”

Whatever was going on, Sam was fairly sure he should be more worried about it, but the truth was, Castiel was _right here_ , right where Sam had always wanted him to be before he’d gone and left his soul behind in Hell, before this last year of constant emptiness. Castiel was here, and that was all Sam had the ability to concentrate on or care about, and he pressed himself closer to the angel with a sigh of contentment, pressing his forehead to Castiel’s and bringing his free hand up to slide along the angel’s spine. “You’re forgiven,” he said, and it didn’t matter what he was forgiving Castiel for, because the truth was, he would forgive Castiel _anything_.

That was what love did to a person.

Castiel gasped sharply, and Sam felt another flicker of _something_ inside him. Something otherworldly, pure, something that felt like…

God, it felt like _Cas_ , and Sam suddenly thought maybe he knew what Castiel had been talking about. He should have known it sooner. Something that bright, that…that _perfect_ …could only be grace.

A piece of Castiel’s grace was in Sam.

“How long?” the hunter breathed, pulling just far enough away that he could see Castiel’s eyes. He thought the angel would turn away, but Castiel met his gaze unflinchingly.

“Since I reached inside you and discovered your soul was missing. I knew you wouldn’t be able to…care about yourself the way you should. You would take needless risks and do foolish things, and I… This was the only way I could guarantee I would be there if it became necessary to save you.”

“Cas…” Sam swallowed, pressing his lips to Castiel’s forehead, clutching the angel closer to him. “You’re in the middle of a war, you shouldn’t have… God, that was so _stupid_ , what if…”

“Sam.” Castiel brought a hand up to thread through Sam’s hair, bringing the hunter down so that he could claim his mouth in a searing kiss. It was full of desperate wanting, and heartache from a year lost between them, and, most of all, _promise_. When he pulled away, his eyes were bright, and the thrum of energy beneath Sam’s breast continued to pulse and glow. “That is what love does to angels as well.”


End file.
